When I stood at the altar on my wedding day, I offered a simple prayer: “Lord, thank You for my treasure.” I did not yet understand how prophetic that prayer would become. Forty-five years, five months, and one day later—after walking with my wife through joy and sorrow, family and ministry, sacrifice and laughter, the changing seasons of life, and finally cancer—I stood before my grandchildren and told them, “This casket is really a treasure chest. Inside it is our treasure.”
That is my testimony. And testimony matters.
Of all the descriptive words that could characterize our marriage, it was most certainly a joyful union. It was so joyful, in fact, that I would gladly do it all over again. For that reason, I find it perplexing—even troubling—to imagine a joyless marriage. Yet, all too often I encounter married couples, even within our own fellowship, who after years together still seem unsettled as to whether they truly want to be married to one another. How sad.
The good news is this: Marriage can and should be “joy unspeakable and full of glory.” I am glad to share a few of the “secrets” that brought such joy to our marriage. Perhaps you will find them helpful as well.
First, we both witnessed joyful marriages in our homes growing up. My parents had been married nearly 63 years when my father passed away, and Kelly’s parents had been married well over 50 years before her father’s passing. But it was more than the longevity of their marriages that caught our attention; it was the atmosphere of joy and the air of contentment that filled their homes.
For those of us with children and grandchildren, an important question follows: Can they readily see and hear the testimony of a joyful marriage in us? Are we leaving them a godly example to emulate—one they might even surpass?
Second, shortly after we were married, Kelly and I were walking out of church one Sunday morning when a senior minister stopped me and said, “Son, don’t ever stop courting her. What it took to get her will be what it takes to keep her.”
The word courting may sound old-fashioned to some of our younger readers, but the principle remains timeless. Courting involves intentional pursuit—kindness, attention, listening, laughter, meaningful conversation, shared dreams, and thoughtful gestures. That season was one of great joy for us. The wisdom shared with me that day was simple and profound: Never stop doing what created joy in the first place. What it took to cultivate that joy is what it takes to sustain it.
Third, allow me to take you back briefly to the birth of Jesus. The wise men saw the star and followed it until it came to rest over the place where the Christ child was. Scripture tells us, “When they saw the star, they rejoiced with exceeding great joy.” Do not miss the connection—joy followed their arrival at the place where Jesus was.
This, I believe, is the central secret to a joyful marriage—take your marriage to where Jesus is and keep it there. “In Your presence is fullness of joy” (Psalm 16:11 NASB).
Finally, this last secret is like the grand finale of a fireworks display—many beautiful things all at once. Be kind to one another. Extend grace freely. Never humiliate, belittle, or embarrass your spouse in public; such actions will never foster joy. Be considerate. Express honor and value often. Continue to share intimate moments— not only physically, but through simple gestures like holding hands, walking together, lingering conversations, and unhurried time with one another.
The secrets of a joyful marriage are not really secrets at all. So, I challenge you: Let a joyful marriage be your testimony.
In Scripture, testimony is not merely personal storytelling; it is sacred witness. “They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony” (Revelation 12:11 KJV). In a time when marriage is often reduced to convenience, compatibility, or contractual obligation, the Church must once again testify—to the beauty, resilience, and joy God intended for this sacred institution.
