In the early morning of my wedding day, May 7, 2016, I got in my car and drove to a quiet and secluded place in my hometown. My groomsmen had gathered with me beforehand to celebrate the day that was about to unfold. We were all staying at the same place, so when they woke up that morning and could not find me, they worried that I had bailed on my wedding day! It all made for much laughter after the fact. Nonetheless, I knew I had a very important appointment that needed to be kept early that morning.
As I watched the sun break through the morning darkness, I met with Jesus in the stillness and calm to prepare for the day of celebration that would soon take place. Amáris and I had decided that we would write our vows to one another. Understanding the weight of making a lifetime commitment to my soon-to-be wife, I knew I needed God’s help to write out this vow. More importantly, I knew I would need His grace to actually live out the words I was writing. Meeting there with Jesus, I sensed His presence, His love, and His voice tenderly guiding me. In that moment, along with the months leading up to it, I recognized an important truth: I am completely helpless without God and, apart from Jesus, I lack everything to be the spouse that I need to be for my wife. Yet, in the presence of Jesus, I have ALL that I need to love, cherish, support, and honor my wife as she needs.
Most weddings tend to be marked by this familiar verse: “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matthew 19:6 NIV). Perhaps, the most overlooked part of this verse is the spiritual unification that takes place. We tend to easily identify the joining together of families, finances, and futures in marriage. It is the spiritual unification that is harder to identify because we cannot see it. Yet that is the most important aspect of marriage. Marriage is a spiritual covenant between one man and one woman. God is the only one who can cause two to become one. This is a direct result of an abiding relationship with Jesus.
My wife and I both recognize that we are novices when it comes to marriage. We admire and look up to those who have been married for decades. What a testimony! We are always learning more about each other and growing in our capacity to love. We also understand that neither one of us will ever love each other as much as we first love Jesus. In order to be the spouse we need to be for each other, we must have a consistent, faithful, fervent, abiding time in the presence of Jesus.
If we want to grow in love, then we must learn to spend time with the one whose very being is love. My wife and I have discovered that as we spend time with Jesus, we are continually reminded of how merciful and kind He is to us. We are reminded of how faithful He is to us. We are reminded of how patient He is with us. These reminders about the love of Jesus are exactly the model we need to love each other. A mentor of mine has said, “Most things are caught before they are taught,” meaning that we tend to “pick-up” things by being around and near them rather than being informed about them. This is absolutely true about the love of Jesus. The more I am in His presence and influenced by His love for me, the easier it is to embrace this model of love for my wife.
When we are in the presence of Jesus, He is continually knitting our hearts together, uniting us as one flesh. When we give priority to the presence of Jesus, He has a way of plucking out those things in our life that stand in the way of being “one flesh.” Pride cannot live in the presence of Jesus. Selfishness cannot live in the presence of Jesus. Anger and an argumentative spirit cannot live in the presence of Jesus. All things that boast of self and the flesh must be put to death in the presence of Jesus.
When we continually practice a lifestyle of submitting to Jesus, the by-product is a lifestyle of submission to one’s spouse. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. . . . Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (Ephesians 5:21–22, 25)
A holy awe of Jesus produces a tender humility towards our spouse. The moment that we lose this awe and wonder, we tend to prioritize ourselves and lose the selflessness that He modeled.
Second to God’s gift of salvation through Jesus Christ, the best gift I have received in my life is my wife, Amáris. I am thankful for the truth of His Word that “every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights” (James 1:17). Marriage is just that, a gift from God. I am often reminded in prayer that I am totally helpless and bankrupt apart from Jesus. I need Him more and more. Yet, flowing from the presence of Jesus, we have all that we need to be the faithful, loving spouses He has called us to be.
