Marriage is not a new concept. Adam and Eve were not officially married in a formal ceremony as is the custom today, but God established their union and blessed it (Genesis 1:27–28). Many couples in the Old Testament were married for hundreds of years, as a person’s lifespan was much longer back then (e.g., Adam and Eve, Abraham and Sarah). In modern society, this is nearly inconceivable. How could any man and woman possibly live together for that many decades?
According to Marriage: Its Foundation, Theology, and Mission in a Changing World, two key terms in Genesis 1 “need attention: image/likeness and subdue. One term tells who we are. The other tells us what we are to do.”[1] Genesis 1:27 tells us that God made humans, male and female, in His image. In verses 28–30, God instructs them to multiply and steward creation.
Marriage in ancient times was an institution designed to create stability as families managed farming communities and grew societies.[2] It was about mutual commitment, not just the Hollywood version of romanticized love. Families were not without their share of problems, but the goal was to endure through them together.
When I think of my grandparents, who were married well past 50 years, I remember hearing Grandpa fuss at Grandma on Sunday mornings because she would take so long to get her beehive hairdo ready for church. He threatened to leave without her if she didn’t “Come on!” She would not have been able to go to church if he had left without her, since she never obtained a driver’s license. Grandpa never really left her at home on Sunday morning. He was just trying to get her to hurry up so he would not be late.
I also remember that after my grandmother passed away, my grandfather was lost without her. The first thing he wanted to do when I went to see him was to visit her grave. He missed her terribly. She had weathered the storms of life with him. She had strained the milk he had pulled from the cows. Her routine biscuit making required no recipe. She was well accustomed to washing his sooty clothing following his shifts in the coal mines where he worked to provide for their family. They were a team.
My husband and I have been married only 27 years, but I am thankful for that sense of connectedness I feel toward him. We have moved across state lines four times, endured job losses for both of us (thankfully, not at the same time), suffered a miscarriage, survived the loss of both our parents (mine 15 weeks apart), raised our son in our 40s and 50s, nursed one another back to health after surgeries, and enjoyed the blessings of God intermingled between all these experiences. The day we got married, we became family.
So, what are some tips for a happy, healthy marriage?
First of all, spend time developing your relationship with God. Read His Word. We can never understand all there is to know about God, but reading His Word gives us a fundamental understanding. Talk to the Lord. He knows our hearts, but He enjoys hearing us tell Him how we feel. He wants us to listen to Him speak to us as well. He is happy to be our Protector, our Provider, our Healer, our Shepherd, and our Peace. He loves it when we acknowledge that we need Him. He also appreciates it when we are grateful.
Secondly, since we are made in God’s image, our relationship with our spouse is a reflection of our relationship with God. Thus, the following tips are offered to enhance our marital relationship:
- Spend time together. You will never know everything there is to know about your spouse. Each person’s story is as individual as his/her fingerprint. Sharing heartfelt and joyful conversations, however, gives us a fundamental understanding of that person. The more we communicate with one another, the more we learn about each other. But don’t smother. Remember to give appropriate space. Take turns. Be respectful.
- Serve one another. Don’t expect your spouse to do all the work. God made us to complement each other. Find pleasure in doing small things for one another. Show appreciation when something kind is done for you. Pay it forward.
- Support one another. When you sense pain, genuinely show that you are affected by it too. Listen. Pray. Help. Compliment one another verbally.
- Believe in one another. Be the friend who sticks closer than a brother. Encourage your spouse to become the best they can be. Don’t always look for the easy way out. Growth takes time. There is a lot to learn on this journey.
- Dream together. Share your hopes for the future, but don’t forget to enjoy the present. Sometimes I look in the mirror and see some wrinkles and gray hair. I love it when my husband says, “Oh, you’ve got another 20 years before you start getting old.” Smile at each other. Take time to laugh. Enjoy experiencing life together.
- Try not to be a worrywart. Jesus tells us, “Do not worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will have its own worries. The troubles we have in a day are enough for one day” (Matthew 6:34 NLV).
None of us knows who will leave this earth first. Only God knows, so live with no regrets. Let your spouse know how precious a gift they are to you today. And while you are at it, thank the good Lord for bringing your spouse into your life. “Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens” (James 1:17 NLT). With God’s help we can leave a legacy of love and faithfulness that will train our children and grandchildren long after we are gone (see Titus 2:3–8 NIV).
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[1] Curt Hamner et al., eds., Marriage: Its Foundation, Theology, and Mission in a Changing World (Chicago, IL: Moody Publishers, 2018), 70.
[2] The Canvas Nomad, “Evolution of Marriage: From Ancient Beginnings to Modern Love,” Medium.com, October 3, 2024, https://medium.com/@TheCanvasNomad/the-evolution-of-marriage-from-ancient-beginnings-to-modern-love-4a2ea5642de2.
