The call to disciple does not begin with the Great Commission in Matthew 28:19–20 where Jesus sent his disciples to “go and make disciples.” The commandment to disciple has existed since the beginning of creation. Bible scholars highlight a unique connection between the Great Commission and the first commandment (Genesis 1:28), where Adam and Eve were commanded to “go and multiply.” 

There is a definitive link between the church’s call to make disciples and the family’s call to bear and raise their children to be godly disciples. This call is echoed in what Peter preached at the end of Acts 2: “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. The promise is for you and your children, and all who are far off—for all whom the Lord God will call” (Acts 2:38–39 NIV, italics added). The covenant promise is given to you, your kids, and the world!

So, just how important is family discipleship? Well, according to the reasoning above, it seems the main emphasis of what the church is doing should be geared toward this! Instead, we focus on so many other things within the church: small groups, community groups, Sunday services, youth ministry, children’s ministry, worship ministry, and so on. While all of these are connected and important in and of themselves, we are missing what I believe to be the critical issue for the church today: a prophetic call for parents to disciple their children.

Families come in all shapes and sizes—single-parent, blended, large, and small. Thus, the manner in which family discipleship is accomplished varies from family to family and is as unique as the DNA of each home. Family discipleship is not one-size-fits-all, and it is not easy; even the most intentional, gospel-centered parents may find themselves at a loss as to how to begin. The church is responsible for coming alongside families to help them craft their approach to discipling their home. “Families must be viewed as full expressions of the church but not as substitutions for the church. Congregations are accountable for helping each child find their rightful place in the body of Christ. It is (also) the responsibility of the church to guide every convert, regardless of age, into a lifestyle of conformity to the teachings of Christ.”[i]

Discipleship in an Age of Antagonism[ii]

It is important to recognize the unique challenges that our children face from an early age in this present era. The onslaught against the teachings of Jesus has now shifted to where the beliefs of our children are being attacked from ages 8 to 12, the most crucial period of their moral development.

Renew.org identifies four phases of a child’s moral development and discipleship.

Ages 0–7: Children learn so much during this phase, absorbing everything from their parents and assimilating massive amounts of information.

Ages 8–11: Moral values and critical belief systems begin to develop, meaning this is a peak period for a parent’s moral and spiritual influence. However, three cultural trends have arisen that challenge the parent’s role:

1. Many parents and families are so busy today, leaving little time for parents to disciple their children’s minds.
2. Many children at this age are immersed in technologies like smartphones that have more influence on their beliefs than parental influence.
3. Many public schools have adopted philosophies and practices, such as embracing transgenderism, which provide influence contrary to Scripture.

The unfortunate effect of these trends on this phase of childhood development is that the world has a more profound influence on children than parents. Yet this should be the time when parental influence helps the children “develop their faith and morals and put things together that make sense.”

Ages 12–15: Children start making choices to be in step with their peer group, and many are more influenced by their friends’ lifestyle choices than their families’ choices.

Ages 15–25: Parents still influence their children’s choices, but others are increasingly influencing them as they are making independent choices.[iii]

Child discipleship has to happen as early as possible. According to the Barna Group, kids’ moral standards are basically in place by age 9, their beliefs about Christ by age 12, and they pretty much believe what they are going to believe spiritually for the rest of their lives by age 13.[iv]

As a church leader, discipling children is challenging. You have one significant roadblock you have to overcome—time. Make an honest evaluation of how much time your church directly influences children. Regardless of how much time you spend, it fails when compared to how much time children spend with their families during the week.

So, then, how do we help families to disciple their children through these phases?

Pray and be led by the Holy Spirit.

Strategies will only get us so far. As a faith family, we must be on our knees in constant prayer for family discipleship in the church and the home. We must trust God to lead us every step of the way.

Lead parents and guardians to live for Jesus.

The church can influence a child for Christ independently from their parents. However, how much more will families impact their children if the parents grow to love and live for Jesus? The most significant influence in a child’s life is their parents and who they are as Christians. Before parents can lead their children to follow Jesus, the church must lead parents to Jesus.

Equip the family as primary disciple-makers.

Parents not only have the biblical responsibility to be the primary disciple-makers of their home, but they also have the most significant opportunity to do so as they have the most considerable influence over their children.

Help parents to talk about their faith.

Expel nervousness and fear from families. We desire to come alongside parents to equip and train them to be the primary disciple-makers in the home. Let them know they are not alone. Help parents to see that faith is more than participation in a worship service. From the time we wake up in the morning to when we go to bed at night, our devotion to Jesus influences what we believe, how we live, and how we parent.

Deuteronomy 6:6-9 shows that discipling children involves more than what a church can offer during a weekday or weekend worship service. As a church, encourage parents and guardians to make the most of their everyday life. Faith conversations can happen during dinner. Prayer, Scripture reading, and worship opportunities can occur before bedtime. Faith stories can be shared on walks and commutes to and from school. Parents can engage their children by asking questions and actively listening to their responses. Because parents and other influencers spend more time with our children, they have many more opportunities to help them learn about and apply the Bible to their lives.

We all want churches where children grow into young adults who know, love, and serve God. Unfortunately, we are all aware of the crisis the church is facing related to young adults leaving the church and their faith. One of the best ways to reverse this trend is to have churches and families that model the biblical vision of discipleship.

The words from the book Generation at Risk are biblically accurate: “. . .the Christian home is the inner circle of life. However, God never intended Christian families to be islands of spirituality. There is a second circle of influence (the church).”[v] The local church is to be that second circle, embracing, influencing, and equipping all families to disciple their children while valuing, including, and preparing children to do the works of service God has purposed for them to do.

Let us continue to offer tools, suggestions, and ideas to help parents think intentionally about the “how” of family discipleship and allow Christ to strengthen their homes.

[i] John Kie Vining, ed., Growing Pentecostal Kids: A Covenant to Nurture Our Children, 2nd ed. (Cleveland, TN: Pathway Press, 2003).

[ii] Information from this section comes from Bobby Harrington, “The Present & Future State of Family Discipleship,” Renew.org, https://renew.org/the-present-future-state-of-family-discipleship/.

[iii] Harrington, “The Present & Future State of Family Discipleship.”

[iv] “Research Shows that Spiritual Maturity Process Should Start at a Young Age,” Barna.com, November 17, 2003, https://www.barna.com/research/research-shows-that-spiritual-maturity-process-should-start-at-a-young-age/.

[v] Fran Sciacca, Generation at Risk (Chicago, IL: Moody Publishers, 1991).